Aqua VS Everything Wrong with the Universe
by chickenscrews
Summary: Terra and Ven threaten the structural integrity of the universe whenever they go outside. Aqua loves them dearly, but is always stuck with the unfortunate duty of cleaning up their cosmic blunders all while keeping her own mental health in check.


Aqua VS Everything Wrong with the Universe

Chapter One: Aqua VS Illiteracy

Pete held the pen and clipboard before Terra in the office of Captain Justice's Used and Broken Car Shop and said to his customer in a sleazily cheery demeanor, "We've got it all worked out now, Mr. Terra sir. Now, just sign the dotted line and this here car is yours."

Terra grabbed the pen and said with a smile, "Finally, I'll be able to crash into fire hydrants and think about sandwiches at the same time!" But his hand froze suddenly before the inky tip could touch the paper. Then he got all sweaty and started shaking and contorting like a crazy person.

"Uh, sir?" Captain Justice asked.

Terra clutched his head in his hands and screamed to the heavens, "I FORGOT HOW TO SPELL MY NAME! NOW ALDERAAN WILL FALL!" Then an overwhelming torrent of crazy-energy burst from his body and made a mess of everything within a six-foot radius of him, making Captain Justice's cape billow in the unorthodox fit. And so, Terra flew suddenly through the roof, screaming vengefully all the way, until he broke through the world's atmosphere and his legs became twelve-barrel photonic Gatling guns with which he destroyed the planet Alderaan and rallied a fearsome Galactic Empire to serve his illiterate will.

The planetary explosion flashed brilliantly in the library window behind Aqua, making her jump in her seat and spill coffee all over her book, an aged copy of _The Prince_ by Niccolo Machiavelli. Irritated from the spilled drink and ruined book, she turned at once to the window behind her, where she saw the last of the explosion and the celestial fragments which crashed into various parts of their own world, demolishing multiple castle walls and tearing up Master Eraqus' garden. Aqua then turned to her side, where she saw Ven safely tied to a nearby post by his collar, where he played with his toys. Aqua groaned, knowing there was only one other force in the universe capable of such catastrophes besides the individual in the library with her, and that was…

"Terra," Aqua seethed. She stood up and said, "Ven, I'm going out for a little bit. I think Terra forgot how to spell his name again."

"'Kay," Ven said while playing with his toys.

Meanwhile, Terra sat in the throne of the command ship leading his new fleet of Star Destroyers. He wore a black Sith robe and fumed angrily at the television monitor in front of him where a fuzzy blue monster asked, "Now, what starts with the letter C?"

"Does 'Terra' begin with C?" Terra asked eagerly.

"Cookie starts with C! Let's think of other things that start with C!"

Terra's eyes nearly bulged from his head with anticipation, "Yes, let's!"

"Ah, who cares about the other things?" the monster deferred before singing, "C is for cookie; that's good enough for me..."

Terra screeched with rage and leapt from his seat to eat the television set. He chomped crazily like a space emperor who couldn't spell his own name.

A Stormtrooper ran into the room just then. "Emperor Terra, someone is obliterating our fleet of Star Destroyers and is heading this way! What are your orders?!"

Then an explosion blew apart the doorway and flung away the Stormtrooper and Red Guards nearby. Standing amid the smoke and debris was Aqua, who was panting and tired from destroying so many Star Destroyers with her Keyblade. To anyone else, the sight of Terra mauling a TV apart with his teeth would've been strange, but she'd seen worse.

"Terra, did you forget how to spell your name again?"

"Yes! And now the galaxy will perish!"

Aqua sighed and pulled out a thin book from behind her back. It was Dr. Seuss's _ABC_. "You could've just said so. You didn't need to blow up a planet just to vent out your anger."

Terra said "Oh," and was ashamed.

Then, in the Super Mammoth Star Destroyer's library which it apparently had, Aqua read to Darth Terra the alphabet book as Ven 4.2 played with his toys while secured to a post by his collar. Terra was upset at page 34. "WHY WOULD OSCAR'S ONLY OSTRICH OIL AN ORANGE OWL?!"

Aqua replied, "He has problems, Terra. Don't judge him for it."

Ventus 4.2 melted.


End file.
